Holding on for dear life

OK so here we are...we did it we took the leap, Pat is unemployed and going to school full time. I am really happy that he gets to fulfill his dream. It's just really hard to be happy for him when I feel so much financial stress, as well as jealousy. My head is swirling with to many emotions for one person to have at a time. I feel this crushing weight on my heart. When will I stop struggling. I am sick of feeling like every ones project. I am really grateful for all the help and prayers we've been the recipients of over the years, but now it feels like all the help comes with strings. Like I've put my self into the position of needing approval before making decisions because if I make the wrong one I may disappoint the people who have helped in such large ways. I just want to have confidence in myself again. There has to be a way to pull myself out of this funk I'm in.

God please give me what I need so I don't go insane during this next 5 weeks!! Please meet our needs so we don't loose the house or car. The bills are starting to pile up help me to keep the right perspective. And Jesus please send me a like minded friend to hang out with. I need another messy mom to talk to . You know me to my core... please I need a friend that is close so we can see each other at least once a week. And help me to be a better mom....I love my babies so much help them to see that shining through all my mistakes.
~K~