All the unknowns

It seems that I am almost always in a stressful situation, I wonder if I create them myself or If I just continue to make bad decisions??? I know that Pat really wants to go to school and get his Class A license but it seems like I'm the only one worried with where the money will come from if he isn't working and if I can't find a job. At the same time I see his point and understand his desire to get out of the job he is in now....So how do I handle all the stress... If I just let him handle all the decision making then we end up in even deeper financial ruin. Because AGGGG he still thinks he can party like a rock star when we have medical bills up the wazooo.... so what should I do. DO I get a job put the kids in daycare, which I said I would never do. I am just so conflicted inside. I just know that something has to change if we are ever going to get ahead in life. I'm sick of feeling like were drowning. I'm scared I'll end up like my Mom so obsessed with saving a dime that I have to have a coupon to do anything. I know thats how she made it through the "lean" years as she likes to call it but really there has to be a balance. When there are so many possible directions how to you decide whats right? My mind just keeps running in circles. I guess here are the choices:
A: Pat keeps working and does the 10 week driving course
pros: he keeps working so less financial strain
cons: he will be working and going to school non stop for 10 weeks with no days off, he won't be done untill mid November when all hiring goes down for the holiday season, it will take longer to complete
B: Pat quits his Job and starts the program Aug 20th
Pros: he can concentrate 100% on his schooling, more family friendly, he will be done Sept. 28th before the snow flies,
Cons: K will have to work, kids in daycare, more financial strain
C:Pat waits till next spring to quit and then takes the 6 week course
Pros: We will have time to save a little for when he isn't working,
Cons: Still struggling to make ends meet at speedee, a long time to wait for school,

Ok this still isn't helping!!!! ARRRGGGG

God I can't do it anymore I am obsessing over things I can't control....Please help us make the best decision for our family.... I want to trust you...please help me to hear you and follow you. help me to respect Pat as I tell him things that he may disagree with., Please open his eyes to the serious situation we are facing. Guide us and give us wisdom. My heart is open and I am trying....I want the control....but I am trying to give it up to you . There is a fight going on, please help me stay strong and continue seeking your will. Thankyou for blessing me with a wonderful family, thanks for all the hugs and love I get every day... when I hear them pray, or talk about you Jesus my faith grows, thanks for all those little reminders!!!! ~K~

Random Questions

ARGGGGGG why do I keep making choices that I regret, and I feel so trapped by my life. I love staying home with my kids, but the financial burden is heavy! And even when I do have a job I can't stick with it. I get so restless with things. I'm not very diciplined. Then I totally regret that I haven't stuck with something to the end. I don't know how to break the habit. I want to be the dependable person. I have started and stopped school three times, and I can never figure out what I want to be when I grow up. How did I get this way? My Dad & Mom & Sister have good work ethics. It's not just "work" either. Its the same way with household chores. I can't seem to keep up with things. It gets so old going through these huge swings from active and productive for a few days to the down swing of being so tired and crabby and not being able to function normally. I feel like all I do is let everyone down. On the down days all I want to do is sleep, I don't even want to talk to the few friends I do have. It dosen't really seem right to have to struggle so much. I love my kids so much, and I just want to be better for them. Here I am claiming to be staying home for them and I don't really do all I should be for them. Its time to be honest about this becauseI need things to change. I'm tired of being stuck. I know that I should be asking God for help and trusting him and all that jazz, but I just don't know how. My life is so much acting how I think the person I'm with wants me to be, I don't know how to be real anymore. I'm not really sure anyone would like the real me. Its such a strange feeling. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin. And if I am always acting, then what does God think of me because he can see everything. He knows all the things I'm trying to cover up. He knows all the lies I've told to make myself look better to others. I'm icky inside.

God please give me the wisdom to know where to start this change....I need to let go, and trust that you are there and care about me....there is just so much stuff to be unloaded.....it feels so heavy....I want to trust, but its hard to give up the control......Please help me....Amen